I get by with a little help from my friends

Experience gives perspective. It just does. My life has shown me time and time again that my friends are my foundation. My husband is my rock. My kids are my wings. OK, so my kids are also my court- enforced ankle tether, but that is neither here nor there. The point is, I have awesome friends, and every fear I had of being a working mom meaning that I would no longer be an important part of their lives was premature and thankfully, completely absurd.

So happy together...

A whole weekend of Carlos and I. No bike races. No long weekend rides. Just us and sometimes the kids.

Friday night his parents took the kids overnight (YES!!!) and we went to Canada for a co-worker's bonfire. Good times were had by all. Although I must say that nurse drinking games can be kind of effed up. Got to meet a number of people I hear about all the time and everyone was so very nice.

Saturday, went and got the kids and then drove to my parents place in the thumb for a picnic/corn roast with my brothers and my closest aunt and cousins. My dad is one of 6, but he and his sister Rosie are thick as theives. Her kids are good kids, and we grew up under each others feet moreso than any of my other cousins. Heck, I can't even NAME some of my cousins! Lots of grilled corn, another bonfire, plenty of beer (ick) and kids running around in wide open space. Probably the best visit I can remember honestly.

Now Lydia is all tucked in for her nap and I am trying to decide if I want to tag along on the sail boat this afternoon. I have so very much to do- but the water and the wind is calling.

Woes of a Bike Widow

It was time that this blog got back to its roots I guess...me dealing with life as a bike widow. As such, here is the latest saga:

I get a voicemail from him last night letting me know
a) he crashed his bike
b) he was at the ER
c) he was OK
d) mostly
e) OK so there is this little elbow fracture

Ah Carlos. Ah love of my life. Ah biking. I call you his mistress, and a cruel mistress you are - to both of us. You take away his time and then this is how you treat him.

On the upside, that amazing man I get to call my husband said this morning that he felt bad because he knew that this meant a lot more work for me while he can't help as much. Pretty darn insightful if you ask me...something I don't give him credit for all that often- so I was very glad and touched to hear it.

I suppose the upside is that I will have him at home a bit more for a while, which I confess will be nice. I'm never jealous of the mistress but sometimes I just miss my man.

For your general amusement

oh yes ladies and...well, ladies. Oh, and Marissa ;)
The time has come to reach into the waaaaaaaay back machine, and let you laugh at my expense. At least this time you have my permission to do so. A third volume of very, very, very, very bad poetry has been found.

This first one I am dedicating to Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians, as they summed it up best...

Shove me in the shallow water before I get too deep.

Paintings
A pathetically bad poem by Tiffany Bobek, circa 1990

Fragments of life
Whose only occupation
is to cause
neurotic
individual
perception.



yeah, think about THAT for a while. It was hard to be that deep every day I tell ya, but I managed somehow.


OK, maturing some, this one is actually kind of sweet. It probably would be sweeter if I could remember who it was written for.


My Poem
still pathetically bad, circa 1992

10:03 am
Late for class
Forgot homework
(that I didn't do anyway)
Misplaced my Spanish book
Got yelled at by Miss Gage.
None of this seems to matter
because at 10:03 am
I was thinking of you.


Sweet right? In a pathetic 15 year old girl kind of way.


Last but not least is (fittingly I guess) the last poem I ever wrote. Not sure how old I would have been, but I was well into college and really should have stopped writing years ago. Still, it was the last, and I found it today and it made me kind of happy. I'm thinking it was probably circa 1997ish?

Sublime

In Detroit
the moon is an afterthought
a hiccup in the night sky
not even recognizable as
the moon that I saw with you.

There
the moon filled the sky until
you couldn't help but
breathe it in
There
it filled your lungs
and made you
ache
There
the moon is a tyrant
the moon is a religion.

Because "Management" has been all grumpy

I'll make a new post ;)

Life right now is wake self, wake kids, run out the door, work, pick up kids, run home, cook dinner, crash, repeat. I think I was out cold by about 9:00 last night. Pathetisad.

Nate is developing an awesome sense of humor. That kid cracks me up! Lydia is growing before my very eyes- wonderful and sad all in one breath.

Me? I don't know how I am doing yet. Check with me in a few weeks.

what I know:
My family and I are healthy
My husband and I love each other
We can pay our bills
We have a roof over our heads

so really, anything else can't be all that bad

Poor Bug...

Poor mama too.

Today was supposed to be Lydia's first day at daycare (and mama's first day of freedom!) but the poor bug has an ear infection. She is just miserable right now- thankfully it should be short lived according to the doc.

I have a doc appt of my own on Thursday, hopefully I will have some answers and a quick fix!

Independence

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security

And so goes the second paragraph of the Declaration of Independence. My challenge to you today is to read it, in full, and give it thought. I consider myself to be patriotic, in a form. In my mind there are two ways to be true to your nation- and both ways are needed for a country to achieve greatness. One path is through questioning, the other through believing. One is not subservient to the other- both must coexist for a nation to have strength.

I have a deep love for our independence. For the laws and systems that allow our country to exist. It is that love that pushes me to constantly challenge those same laws and systems, to ensure that the freedoms that we cherish- that those self-evident truths of equality and liberty- are never allowed to fall by the wayside in favor of greed, or tyranny, or fear.

The 4th is always a holiday of reflection for me as much as it is a holiday of joy. I set aside time each year to do two things- to listen to the Declaration being read aloud on NPR and to read some other favorite historical writing. This year it is "What To The Slave Is The 4th Of July?", a speech that Frederick Douglass made in 1842.

Happy 4th to you and your family.

mom of one

Disclaimer: This is not intended to offend moms of one. If you are a mom of one and get offended by this, maybe you should have another child. Then, first of all you will know what I am saying and second of all you won't have the spare time to get offended.

Second disclaimer: In hindsight, that disclaimer is probably more offensive than what I am about to post. So if you were offended by my disclaimer...well, deal with it.



Ahhh being a mom to one. Who knew it was so easy? Who knew how much you can get done with just one little one to tote about?

Nate is in summer camp 3 days a week, which means that it is just mama and Lydia all day long. I love the one on one attention I can give her. I love how much I can accomplish. I love my son and get so happy when it is time for him to come home- but life doesn't stay quite so simple.

I dropped Nate off at 8. By 9:30, I had washed and vaccumed my car, did a load of laundry, answered my emails, organized a closet, and spread world peace amongst the warring nations.

Remember that time two years ago when you said...

Sometimes people say or do things and I don't respond the way that I would have liked to. Either I don't respond at all or I didn't stand up for myself in the way I should have. Not that big of a deal, but sometimes those scenarios stick with me. Until I find myself where I am now...wanting to write a prof that I had years ago and say:

You remember that time you said that? You don't know what the hell you are talking about. Seriously. Why would you even say such a thing? It bothered me then and it continues to bother me now. I hope you are not still saying that to your classes.

It is just a bunch

of nameless nothing. Doesn't really make anything good to blog about.

I did get to see Tim, one of those dear friends that just kind of slips through the cracks and before you know it you haven't seen in two years. Maybe more like 3, because he had no idea about Lydia. It was great to reconnect - he wanted to know if moms of two went out for coctails. I assured him that moms of two probably went out for coctails more than we ever did before having kids. Beh, even that isn't true- I almost never drink unless I see my friends and that doesn't happen all that often.

I promised Marissa I wouldn't yesterday

but it is finally today and I just have to say

GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08! GO OBAMA 08!

Borrowed words for today.

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side

Of the road, turn out the lights, get out and look up at the sky

And I do this to remind me that I'm really, really tiny

In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me

But it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene

In a way I never thought I'd be because I've never been

So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything

I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

Rock and roll is fun but if you ever hear someone

Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun

Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky

Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

When I saw Geneviève I really liked it when she said

What she said about the giant and the lemmings on the cliff

She said 'I like giants

Especially girl giants

Cause all girls feel too big sometimes

Regardless of their size'

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side

Of the road and run and jump into the ocean in my clothes

And I'm smaller than a poppyseed inside a great big bowl

And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole

So I swim for all salvation and I swim to save my soul

But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado

So I flip to my back and I float and I sing

I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

So I talked to Geneviève and almost cried when she said

That the giant on the cliff wished that she was dead

And the lemmings on the cliff wished that they were dead

So the giant told the lemmings why they ought to live instead

When she thought up all those reasons that they ought to live instead

It made her reconsider all the sad thoughts in her head

So thank you Geneviève, cause you take what is in your head

And you make things that are so beautiful and share them with your friends

We all become important when we realize our goal

Should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole

And yeah, rock and roll is fun, but if you ever hear someone

Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun

Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky

Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

And I don't wanna make her cry

Cause I like giants

the yin and the yang

There is always good with bad.

The good: My mom's sister made me cry like a baby at my graduation party. She said EXACTLY what I have needed to hear from a family member for so long. It made me wonder two things; why couldn't my mom say that and how on earth did two such different people come from the same family. My aunt says "I love you" as though her life depends on it. With heart, with soul, with honesty.

Thank you Auntie June. I don't know how you knew what to say, but I really needed to hear that.



The bad from my grad party isn't so much bad as it is annoying. My two faithful readers are well aware of Nate's limited diet and his strict GFCF menu. Mindful of all the treats Nate would have to be denied at the party, I brought him a little bag of cashews which he loves like a junkie loves smack. You know the type I am talking about- little plastic tube shaped bag of nuts that you buy for $.99 at a gas station or drug store. Anyway, I brought him one of those and set it on one of the tables (not the food table, just a table). Carlos' relative N apparently decided that they were just a random free bag of nuts, ate them, and then left the wrapper on the table. Nice, real nice.

It isn't the $.99 nuts. It isn't even that I had to tell Nate that I was wrong, there were no cashews after I had scooped him up and told him he could have some. It is that I just can not understand how someone just presumes that anything they see is for them. OK, I lied. It is totally that I had to tell Nate "sorry" and be the one to see the crushing sadness in his eyes about losing his anticipated treat. It is that a grown person caused that sadness, when there was SO MUCH other food.

Vented.

over it.

nope, still annoyed.

It's the little things

The changes in Nate aren't grand or sweeping- but they are real and substantial, and we will take that!

Yesterday Nate and I had a mama-son afternoon and did something I never dreamed possible. We went to the movies. Nate has a special relationship with Speed Racer, and we spent a lot of time talking about the new SR movie and how it was going to be live action and that there might be scary parts (rated PG- eep!) and that the biggest thing of all was that we were going to have to go to a movie theater and sit in one place for a long time with other people.

He did awesome!

He picked out skittles and a bottle of water from the concession stand- not fights about not being able to have M&Ms!

He sat and watched for one and a half hours straight! During a part foucused on the bad guy after a looooong dialogue scene he turned to me and said "I think I'm done now mama, can we go home?" and I took him home gladly, telling him how proud I was of how well behaved he was and how much I enjoyed our special afternoon.

So, we missed the last half hour of Speed Racer, but I am guessing that it went something like this:

good guy wins. Bad guy either a) goes to jail b) dies c) has a change of heart and becomes a good guy or d) loses all his money and becomes homeless in shame.


So really, we didn't miss much. Carlos was dubious of how it would go- but really he did so awesome I can't wait for the next movie he gets excited about!

Gradumacation

Ah Graduation day.

A big heartfelt thanks to Marissa and Ellisa for coming and seeing what a dork I look like in a tam and hood. I love you girls.

Enough happened before and during to keep me giggling and rolling my eyes for a life time.

It felt good, I think I am glad I did it. I wasn't nearly as emotional as I was for my college graduation. I don't know- I guess once I started I knew I would finish whereas with undergrad I didn't know I was going to get through it until I got through it.

Now off to clean my disaster of a house that hasn't been touched in a week.

Oh, and anyone need a bunch of law school study guides? Because I sure don't!

New class

not for me (thank goodness!) but for Nate. I went and sat in on the room that Nate will probably be placed in next year. It has been a hard decision, because we were given the option to keep him with the wonderful Ms. Franco for one more year- where both of us feel safe and secure- or to move him on to a full day program- where he will be challenged a bit more and go for a full day. The teacher has a special needs kid of her own, which makes me feel all the more comfortable. She had one of her students give me a tour and sit with me and explain his day to me- which I LOVED because it showed me how much she pushes her students to form normal interactions.

I think this is a good thing.

Today

Today

I am writing

in a style

that is not my own

as a way

to honor someone

whose style

is his own.

I know it may seem odd

to write of a man

on mother's day

and perhaps

even stranger that the man

is not Carlos

but such is the way that it is.


A man has a baby

and today is that baby's first mother's day

but the mother can not be with

her baby because

she died

without

ever

touching her

holding her

And now the man whose style I honor

must carry his wife in his heart

and be

mother.

I have

faith

that he will do an awesome job.


So

to read the story

and share the tears

visit his BLOG

and read WHAT HAPPENED

and spare a kind thought

for them.

thought for today

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,
it only saps the joy of today.
-Leo F. Buscaglia

the more things change the more they stay the same

At the market today there was a cute young "emo" couple (for lack of a better word- as much as I would love to avoid labels the simple fact is that with one word you know exactly what I am talking about, so they were an Emo couple. Deal with it ;P ) looking all doomy and gloomy by the imported beer. This woman was talking to her friend or sister or whatever and saying that they try to look different by looking just like everyone else. It was all I could do to not roll my eyes and give her a swift kick.

In the grunge days, the alternateen days, the raverkid days we all heard that time and time again. No one got it. Not then, not now. We didn't dress that way or look that way thinking that we were the only ones on earth to do so. We set ourselves apart as a display of power. As a removal of permissions. It was a way to say "you are not allowed to say I don't belong with you, I'm saying I don't want to belong with you."

You are not allowed to find me strange, or odd, or different. I am finding that for myself, and I am happy.

Gloom on little Emos. Gloom on.

Tiffisa is...

like a warm sweater that fits just right