the yin and the yang

There is always good with bad.

The good: My mom's sister made me cry like a baby at my graduation party. She said EXACTLY what I have needed to hear from a family member for so long. It made me wonder two things; why couldn't my mom say that and how on earth did two such different people come from the same family. My aunt says "I love you" as though her life depends on it. With heart, with soul, with honesty.

Thank you Auntie June. I don't know how you knew what to say, but I really needed to hear that.



The bad from my grad party isn't so much bad as it is annoying. My two faithful readers are well aware of Nate's limited diet and his strict GFCF menu. Mindful of all the treats Nate would have to be denied at the party, I brought him a little bag of cashews which he loves like a junkie loves smack. You know the type I am talking about- little plastic tube shaped bag of nuts that you buy for $.99 at a gas station or drug store. Anyway, I brought him one of those and set it on one of the tables (not the food table, just a table). Carlos' relative N apparently decided that they were just a random free bag of nuts, ate them, and then left the wrapper on the table. Nice, real nice.

It isn't the $.99 nuts. It isn't even that I had to tell Nate that I was wrong, there were no cashews after I had scooped him up and told him he could have some. It is that I just can not understand how someone just presumes that anything they see is for them. OK, I lied. It is totally that I had to tell Nate "sorry" and be the one to see the crushing sadness in his eyes about losing his anticipated treat. It is that a grown person caused that sadness, when there was SO MUCH other food.

Vented.

over it.

nope, still annoyed.

It's the little things

The changes in Nate aren't grand or sweeping- but they are real and substantial, and we will take that!

Yesterday Nate and I had a mama-son afternoon and did something I never dreamed possible. We went to the movies. Nate has a special relationship with Speed Racer, and we spent a lot of time talking about the new SR movie and how it was going to be live action and that there might be scary parts (rated PG- eep!) and that the biggest thing of all was that we were going to have to go to a movie theater and sit in one place for a long time with other people.

He did awesome!

He picked out skittles and a bottle of water from the concession stand- not fights about not being able to have M&Ms!

He sat and watched for one and a half hours straight! During a part foucused on the bad guy after a looooong dialogue scene he turned to me and said "I think I'm done now mama, can we go home?" and I took him home gladly, telling him how proud I was of how well behaved he was and how much I enjoyed our special afternoon.

So, we missed the last half hour of Speed Racer, but I am guessing that it went something like this:

good guy wins. Bad guy either a) goes to jail b) dies c) has a change of heart and becomes a good guy or d) loses all his money and becomes homeless in shame.


So really, we didn't miss much. Carlos was dubious of how it would go- but really he did so awesome I can't wait for the next movie he gets excited about!

Gradumacation

Ah Graduation day.

A big heartfelt thanks to Marissa and Ellisa for coming and seeing what a dork I look like in a tam and hood. I love you girls.

Enough happened before and during to keep me giggling and rolling my eyes for a life time.

It felt good, I think I am glad I did it. I wasn't nearly as emotional as I was for my college graduation. I don't know- I guess once I started I knew I would finish whereas with undergrad I didn't know I was going to get through it until I got through it.

Now off to clean my disaster of a house that hasn't been touched in a week.

Oh, and anyone need a bunch of law school study guides? Because I sure don't!

New class

not for me (thank goodness!) but for Nate. I went and sat in on the room that Nate will probably be placed in next year. It has been a hard decision, because we were given the option to keep him with the wonderful Ms. Franco for one more year- where both of us feel safe and secure- or to move him on to a full day program- where he will be challenged a bit more and go for a full day. The teacher has a special needs kid of her own, which makes me feel all the more comfortable. She had one of her students give me a tour and sit with me and explain his day to me- which I LOVED because it showed me how much she pushes her students to form normal interactions.

I think this is a good thing.

Today

Today

I am writing

in a style

that is not my own

as a way

to honor someone

whose style

is his own.

I know it may seem odd

to write of a man

on mother's day

and perhaps

even stranger that the man

is not Carlos

but such is the way that it is.


A man has a baby

and today is that baby's first mother's day

but the mother can not be with

her baby because

she died

without

ever

touching her

holding her

And now the man whose style I honor

must carry his wife in his heart

and be

mother.

I have

faith

that he will do an awesome job.


So

to read the story

and share the tears

visit his BLOG

and read WHAT HAPPENED

and spare a kind thought

for them.

thought for today

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,
it only saps the joy of today.
-Leo F. Buscaglia

the more things change the more they stay the same

At the market today there was a cute young "emo" couple (for lack of a better word- as much as I would love to avoid labels the simple fact is that with one word you know exactly what I am talking about, so they were an Emo couple. Deal with it ;P ) looking all doomy and gloomy by the imported beer. This woman was talking to her friend or sister or whatever and saying that they try to look different by looking just like everyone else. It was all I could do to not roll my eyes and give her a swift kick.

In the grunge days, the alternateen days, the raverkid days we all heard that time and time again. No one got it. Not then, not now. We didn't dress that way or look that way thinking that we were the only ones on earth to do so. We set ourselves apart as a display of power. As a removal of permissions. It was a way to say "you are not allowed to say I don't belong with you, I'm saying I don't want to belong with you."

You are not allowed to find me strange, or odd, or different. I am finding that for myself, and I am happy.

Gloom on little Emos. Gloom on.