In under 48 hours I will be hunched over the Michigan Essay portion of the State Bar exam. My stomach is in knots. I keep having what would usually turn into a panic attack but have so far managed to keep myself calm calm calm *breathe in, breate out*
I'm not ready. And I'm scared.
Mostly of failure, of the shame that goes with failure. I feel the weight of people's expectations more than ever, much more than when I was in school. It all comes down to this, and while I know that I can take it again and that the world won't end if I don't pass the first time- everyone around me is just so darn *sure* of me and I can't bear to face them and tell them they were wrong to have such faith in me.
But none of that matters now, none of that can matter now- because right now I need to get back to the books and try like hell to pass this thing.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Ladies and gentlement, prepare for panic
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3 comments:
You just getting to the bar makes me far more proud than you passing it. You've already achieved SO much!!
I have a friend who took it and passed the first time.
I have another friend who took it like 5 times before he finally passed. I'm pretty proud of his persistance and refusal to give up.
You're going to do your very best. That's all anyone expects. {{{hugs}}}
Dang. Marissa always gets to say what I'm thinking first.
She's so right though. We do have faith in you. That you can do it. And if you don't do it the first time, it doesn't change how proud of you were all are...or that we still think you can do it the next time, or the time after. You have the ability to pass that test!! It will happen!
I will pray for you continuously (as much as I can with two-four kiddos) the next 3 days.
Marissa said my thoughts exactly! I have total faith in you. You are an amazing woman, and no matter what happens, I am so so so proud of you!!!
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