This year I did my best to tell my husband exactly what I want for my birthday. I still think I failed. The problem comes from wanting a feeling for your birthday instead of a certain thing. I want to be rested, I want to be loved, I want to be happy, I want to be appreciated. At the end of the day I want to say something other than "well that was that."
I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday. Not because of getting older...that part doesn't phase me. Tangible goods don't really do it for me anymore. I just want that sweet sweet blend of time by myself where I don't have to be "mom" for a few moments and time when I am surrounded by those who bring me the most joy, my husband and children. I want to not think about it, I want it to just happen. My birthday is my White Whale- I keep chasing the perfect one and keep feeling let down when at the end of the day I still feel like me, same old me. This year my goal is to expect absolutely nothing and be happy with whatever may come, be it changing poopy diapers or chilling with my kids while my husband goes riding or getting take-out from my favorite Indian place. I have a few days left to get in the proper mindset. I will love my day.
Fly me out the window.
Somewhere far away.
News on the radio,
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
for a change...
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3 comments:
You *WILL* have a great birthday, my love. I know you can do it.
i think i wrote this blog. we can forever be white whale chasers together. my mom once told me to lower my expectations of other people and i'd stop being so disappointed all the time. i just couldn't do it. i'd rather be disappointed than to lower my expectations. YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAN ANY BIRTHDAY COULD EVER BRING YOU. You are worth gold in my head. I hope that makes you feel worthwhile. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE! :)
I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl- it turns out Carlos bought me a gift (we don't do gifts) and has stashed it somewhere. I followed him like a puppy pressing for deatils!
And M- I'm just happy to have a day in your birthmonth ;)
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